The Change

What was the one experience that completely changed your life? What happened? How did it change your life?

The one experience in my life that has completely altered anything and everything that will occur in my future, was the day I found out that my Father was in the hospital.

Up until that day, where I saw my cousins posting prayers and words of hope for a good recovery on Facebook, I hadn’t spoken to my Father in over three years. Three years? Did I really miss three years of birthdays and holidays spent with my dad’s family? It doesn’t even seem possible.

I remember feeling like my stomach had fallen out of me onto the ground when I saw these posts. I panicked, Called my mom and told her I needed to go see him. I knew it was a big stretch to ask my mom, the woman who cheated on my father with probably the worst man she could find; to take me to the hospital to see that very man she divorced so many years ago. Now you may be asking yourself, Why would it be a big stretch to ask my mom to take me to see my own father? It’s simple. She was (and still is) guilty beyond belief. My mother has a “backpack on her shoulders the size of Mount Everest” as my dad would say. I never really understood what he meant by this until recently. 

Back to where I was going with this story, I went and saw my father – despite the bullshit from my mom and her husband. He was not in good shape at all. His brain was bleeding and he had sever memory loss and pain. 

At that exact moment, every bad memory I had had of him was gone. I didn’t care what had happened in the past. I was scared. I wanted to say sorry for every bad thing I had ever said about him, hug him and tell him I wasn’t going anywhere. He was my dad. He would always be my dad. 

After that day, I knew everything would be different. In more good ways than bad. I began to develop a relationship with my father again after three years of not talking at all, and it was stronger than ever. I began learning things about myself when I forgave and forgot what had happened when I was a kid. 

With this new relationship, I began to see tension forming in my mother. Every time I would say I was going to my dad’s there was a new list of chores I needed to do, I would get my car taken away for no reason. She would do absolutely anything she could do to make me stay. It began bugging me, I had no idea what she was hiding. I let my father know what was happening and he encouraged me to think about what I remembered as a kid when the divorce was going on. 

I remembered my mom always being with Jason (her husband). I couldn’t remember a day after the divorce that didn’t involve Jason in some way. I remembered a lot of other things like how she used to tell us things to make us mad at my father. I remembered a lot of the bullshit that she caused. 

I realized this and began pulling away from the relationship my mother and I had. And she knew that it was because I knew the truth. 

I will never have the same relationship my mother and I had when I was younger. I know too much to let myself be close to someone who has done what she has done. This is only an example of one turning point in my life. But this one holds the most impact on my future. 

Sarah, a curious book work.

Currently listening to: Sweater Weather by The Neighborhood


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